Best Four Years
by Blue Selene
Summary: Jack never knew that college could be this strange... [AU. Crack. Pairings: ?]


Ch. 1: _Radiata University_

_I look like a dork._ That was the first thought Jack Russell had as he stepped out of his car, onto the steps of Radiata U.. _I look like a dork and nobody's gonna talk to me_.

It wasn't his fault either—it was his older sister, Adele, who had forced him to come to school in a business suit and tie. His older sister who, despite his repeated protests, insisted on putting him into the most loserly outfit ever just to spoil his chance of getting half-decent friends. Jack shuddered, not looking down at the firmly starched shirt, the smoothly ironed, pin-striped blue suit, and the glaring power tie. And why was he wearing glasses? He didn't even _need_ glasses!

_Maybe it won't be that bad_, Jack convinced himself, _as long as no one sees me. The campus is cool...and big...and I hear there's a nightclub just down the street..._

"Look at the new kid," a loud, sneering voice cried out behind him, "What's _he_ trying out for? Law school? You missed it by a couple hundred miles—"

"New? You can't talk, Elmo,"

Jack looked over his shoulder and saw the offender—a small, pink-haired boy about his age decked out in green. Behind him were what looked to be a white-haired sophomore—perhaps a junior—in purple and a massive humanoid space alien. Or a golem. Whatever he was, Jack couldn't believe that hulking mass of flesh was human.

"Aw, c'mon, Eon," the freshman, Elmo, insisted, "I'm cooler than him—isn't that right, Joaquel?"

"Uh-huh," Joaquel answered. All three resumed talking amongst themselves, casting an occasional glance in Jack's direction, no doubt making snide comments about his stupid get-up.

"I'm _still here_," He injected, ripping the glasses from his face. After another moment of being ignored, Jack decided to take off the jacket as well—his chances of ever getting a girlfriend were decreasing rapidly with every second he had it on.

"Hey, having trouble there, freshie?" The voice was waaay too deep to belong to any of the three stooges in front of him.

"Wha? No..." Jack looked around and almost immediately located the source of the shout: it was the driver of the car behind him, a man, definitely a senior, with facial hair, a massive scar and an eye patch. His voice wasn't hostile, but he was obviously running out of patience.

"Yeah, well, move the car; the rest of us want to park, too, you know."

"Oh, yeah, sorry." Jack responded awkwardly, dumped his bags on the curb, and squeezed the car into the nearest stall. He didn't know why, but that guy who'd just shouted at him emanated coolness. _In three years,_ Jack decided, _I will be that guy._

Jack squeezed between the cars and returned to his bags grinning like a madman. _Radiata University, meet Jack Russell, the next big man on campus!_

Another car pulled in, another student unloaded his stuff. Jack looked around at his new campus. Aw, yeah.

He must have been standing there for a while, as the next thing he noticed was that senior with the deep voice standing in front of him. Now that he was out of the car, Jack could see that he was wearing a strange red sweater with a big, white X across it (_No accounting for taste_, Jack thought glumly,) and loose brown pants. _I'll be this guy...minus the sweater,_ Jack decided.

"Heh, kinda lost my temper there. You're a freshman, right? I'm Gerald, vice-captain of the fencing team. I presume you're in the Gray Dorm."

"Uh...," Jack's mind raced. Should he know this? "The school never really got back to me on that..."

Gerald shrugged. "Yep, Gray. It's the biggest—the default dormitory for freshmen. But, hey, ask about the Yellow Dorm. It's right on Vancoor Square; real close to the Begin Eatery, the only decent food source on campus. If you're lucky, you just might make it, freshie."

Jack watched as Gerald walked off, seeming to know exactly where he was going. Jack took a brief glance at his map, failed to find the Gray Dorm, and set off, not glancing down at it once. He _still _didn't know exactly where he was going, but he was going there with confidence.

Well, he was before. As Gerald's words sank, Jack started to get confused. _Qualify for a dorm? You aren't assigned? WHAT!?_

Jack shook his head. His father, Cairn Russell, went to Radiata University, too. He died before Jack could ever ask him about it, but Adele was old enough—she never mentioned having to audition for a dormitory!

"H-Hey," Jack said, stopping what looked to be a passing senior. She was a tall brunette wearing a black dress and a blue vest. She seemed extremely surprised at being stopped by a freshman, to say the least. "What's the deal with the dorms? I don't have to try out for them, do I?"

_The last thing I need is a song and dance number_, Jack thought.

"It's odd that you talk to me," she sighed, getting over the initial shock. "You don't know much about this school, do you? Well, listen, kid. There are five dorms—the Gray Dorm is the biggest dorm, mostly filled with sophomores and freshmen. That one is open to everybody. There are also four small dorms: the Yellow Dorm, White Dorm, Blue Dorm, and Black Dorm. You don't really have to _try out_ for them, but you have to, well, _qualify_."

Jack's head was swimming. Try out? Qualify? Isn't that the same thing? "I... I don't understand,"

The woman shook her head. "I'm not the right person to ask."

"Oh," Jack pouted, slumping his shoulders and looking generally pathetic. The woman gave him a blank stare.

"If you need to know that badly, well... This school started out a seminary—heh, that's why there's so many theology majors here now. When it converted into a normal school, the board decided that it didn't want frats—they'd corrupt the students. So the students started identifying themselves by the dorms. The four small dorms, in particular. From what I hear, the school tried to discourage it at first, but now they _help_ it. All the top students are recommended to the Blue Dorm, the religious kids to the White Dorm, you know the drill. The Yellow Dorm is the cool dorm. The Black Dorm is the party dorm. I'm from the Black Dorm—way in the back, next to that lot of low-income housing."

Jack nodded, trying to absorb this information. Black Dorm, Yellow Dorm... hey, he got rec'd for the cool dorm; he'd go for that...

"It seems...Lyle's little brother is coming this year."

Jack looked up and followed the woman's gaze to the line of cars. There was a man in a red shirt, muscular with a shaved head, was unloading bags from his car. A not-quite-as-intimidating blond boy stood behind him, looking dismally around his new campus.

"Gray Dorm. He has been for all four years."

Jack looked back at the woman's face, which was fixed intently on the pair. He chuckled.

"Wow, either you got a really good memory or you like that guy." Jack said, smiling broadly.

The woman raised an eyebrow, her expression even blanker than before. "Clever boy." She turned to leave abruptly.

"Hey, wait! I'm Jack Russell!" Jack shouted at her back, startled by her sudden departure.

She looked over her shoulder and waved. "Iris."

--

Oh god, my first Radiata Stories fanfic, and it's a college AU. And a messed-up one at that. Tsk, not a very good contribution to the (non-existent waah) fandom. (I'm sorry--I'm more a fanartist (with nothing up on the web -shot-) than a fanficcer.) Also: the summary has issues. D:. My god, I can just imagine a ":D" at the end of it. xD. Or worse yet, "Jack Russell goes to college. WILL LOVE BLOSSOM?" xDDD. How corny. ;;. Back to the fic! Although it stars Jack Russell, the other characters that pop up will be kind of random, as will be the pairings. :O. It's rated 'T' just to be safe.

(About that. I kinda ganked a Crack!Pairing Generator from somewhere and altered it—for my own purposes only, of course—to do Radiata Stories. All pairings in this fic came from that, including Iris/Lyle. So if you see Alba/Achilles or something, you know why. Sadly, that means that the pairings I actually like and/or see as (pseudo-)logical will never be here. D: Except for Jack's. He goes well with everybody. xD) (Oh noes, that means I can't make him dislike anyone! He must have an OT177 orgy! D:!!!)

And about the Next Chapter...Who knows what will happen! Yes, yes, I know you know. -.-u. Kinda obvious. xD. Until next tiiimeee!


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